Thursday, March 17, 2011

Analogies, metaphors and similies, oh my.!

.
Life seems to get in my way a lot lately and I've been ignoring my friends here for too long!
I'm going to start Antibody treatment soon for my CLL.
I'm hoping to get into a clinical trial in the next month or so.
It's two proven, synthetic antibody drugs working together for this study.
So no chemo yet, hopefully.

Today I'm posting this list that a friend sent to me  It tickled me and I thought that it might tickle you too.  I particularly like numbers 4, 5 and 11, but it was really hard to pick favorites..

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit
their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the
country.
Here are last year's winners…

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with
a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about
the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward eachother like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph..

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled NancyKerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

34 comments:

  1. In my ten years of teaching I only had two really notably hysterical writings. One was from a parent. She was granting permission for her son to see the annual preteen hygiene film and she wrote, "I want my son to do the sex thing in the classroom." The other was the closing lines in a student paper about Martin Luther King. "He was shot in the head by a bad man and died. He is still dead today." -- Not similes or metaphors, but hysterical just the same.

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  2. Excellent and very funny! I do so wish I'd kept notes of the things 'my' pupils said . . . too late now!
    Hope your new treatment goes well:-)

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  3. Oh my gosh, Peg! These were truly laughing out loud analogies!

    You almost distracted me from your taking antibodies. I'm wondering if you're keeping something from me.

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  4. Hope the treatment goes well Peggy.

    Loved the analogies.

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  5. An incredible glimpse at how the mind works. How entertaining it can be!

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  6. Oh I needed a good laugh!

    Laughter...good for what ails you AND you can do it behind the Boss's back once you're home. :)

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  7. Thanks for making me smile. Good wishes on your treatment.

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  8. These are really entertaining...hoping your treatment goes on well. take care. :)

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  9. Wow! Better than a lot of the stuff one gets from stand-up comics!

    Thanks for sharing the "fun."

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  10. Thanks for the smile. #6 did it for me.

    Missing microfiction?

    I'm hosting a new microfiction meme.
    Succinctly Yours
    begins on Monday, March 28th. Check out the link for the photo and optional word.
    Hope you'll join in.

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  11. Wishing you well with your treatments. I loved the analogies!!

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  12. Similes, eh?
    You'll know 'Litany' by Billy Collins? So funny.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56Iq3PbSWZY

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  13. I love 14 . . a mixture of Cathy and Heathcliffe in Wuthering Heights and the sort of damnfool problem you get in arithmetic tests.

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  14. They are priceless. Not in the sense that they have no value, but in the sense that their value exceeds anything which could be priced.

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  15. stopping by, in fact I have no idea how I found you...but, I want you to know I am thinking of you as you go through treatments. I am a two time breast cancer survivor, so although it is very different than what you are going through... I do know what it feel like to receive news like this and to have chemo.
    hugs my dear and hoping for nothing but the best for you!

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  16. This is my first time visiting you, found you through Kay's post, and what a giggle I had, these are hilarious!!!

    I will be praying for you, and visiting again.
    hugs
    Niki

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  17. I also found you through Kay's blog, and I have to say I have had quite a few laughs at those great writings. I hope your treatment will go well, and I just wanted you to know that I am sending prayers your way.

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  18. I've just read about your latest setback from Kay's blog and wanted to wish you well as you face yet further treatment. You have come through so much with great strength and dignity and humour. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.

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  19. I have missed you and feared that things were not going well. I, too, have come from Kay's blog. You do indeed have such great courage, dignity and humor! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers each day and I'm sending you lots of hugs and lots of love.

    Sylvia

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  20. I also learned of your health concerns on Kay's blog and have started praying for you. This comment comes with hopes for healing, wisdom, grace, and humor.

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  21. I'm visiting from Kay's blog, and I wish you good health posthaste! Take care of yourself. Be selfish. People love and need you. God bless.

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  22. Keep laughing. It is truly the best medicine. Wishing you well as you start your round of treatments.

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  23. Visiting from Kay's. I am a cancer survivor and know sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better.
    Praying your treatments go smoothly and successfully.
    Keep your humor. Laughter is the gold treatment and scares the bejebbies out of cancer.

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  24. Take care and get well!! Don't make me come over there!!!!

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  25. Just dropping in to say hello. Kay gave us an update explaining your absence. I thought it was the end of micro-fiction that chased you away.

    I have added you to my prayer list. Take care of you and concentrate on getting well.

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  26. OMG...I have been out of touch. Keep smiling. You can do this!

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  27. Checking in and hoping you are doing well. God bless ya, Peggy.

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  28. I don't know how I didn't see this earlier. I hope your treatment are going well. Sure wish you'd post an update to let us know how your'e doing! Still in my prayers!

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  29. Checking in again. Kay told me that she had heard from you. I hope that your treatment is kickin' butt...so to speak! Give us a small shout out, will ya?

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  30. I don’t know how should I give you thanks! I am totally stunned by your article. You saved my time. Thanks a million for sharing this article.

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