Monday, February 9, 2009

my closet confession

There is a time and place for everything...and the time has come and the place is my closet!
When we moved into out new house...I was really excited about my walk in closet...it seemed so huge and I thought I'll never be able to fill it up with my stuff ... how easy it will be for me to keep it that way!
Well that was then and now six years later and I can barely open the door.

I do clean my closet and get rid of stuff every year...but there is still a lot of things that I could send to the Salvation Army and give other things to my family.
Since the weather has been kind of funky...(Funky February...I like that! ) I decided to clean my closet in sections and take one section at a time... This plan of mine was going pretty well, if I do say so myself..

Unfortunately my cleaning plan seems to have stalled. I find myself doing everything that I can.... not to finish my task and instead of finishing up my closet and making the final decisions on what to keep and what to give away ...

I've been checking my blog...reading all my favorites ...posting my comments and searching blogspot for other new blogs and gadgets.
...Oh and after all that... I did some work on my home business...needed to finish up some of the blankets...got together tax info ,,,, played with Gracie and did all the puzzles in the paper...I should be exhausted... phew!
... I sense a pattern developing here!
Realizing this was happening, I decided this morning I would get back on track... I promised myself that I would continue with my plan ...and maybe even finish...(really?)... ..there is an end in sight.
I can do THIS!

Oh no......here I am blogging again!
Why am I procrastinating so...what's my problem?
Then it kind of hit me..maybe I don't want to finish cleaning my closet.

From the beginning, I wanted to go through all my stuff and get rid of the silly stuff that I save for sentimental reasons, (known only to me)....the extra stuff that I buy because it's on sale and I will want to use it in the future. The clothes that I hang on to because I love them, but can't wear them now until I loose those 10 extra pounds ....and all the other "STUFF"... all the other misc. items that I've accumulated for the past 50 years.

I think lurking, just beneath the surface is the reason that I can't seem to finish.

I don't want to give up. I don't want to let go, I'm afraid if I do...then I'll give up on me too!
There's lies the "root of the root"my fears are rearing their ugly heads again.

Tricky little sucker, fear is ...seems to sneak in when my sentries are down and relaxed.
I've become pretty good at identifying when I'm beginning to slide back down that path of fear and am still able to climb back up to a better place !

I guess I was just trying to get all my ducks in a row, trying to do the things that would help my family in case things with my health didn't go my way.

Maybe cleaning out my closet is just too final a chore for me right now and better left for another time.

I'm am too hopeful...too optimistic...

...and so I've decided that the closet might not get cleaned now...and maybe not ever.

Maybe I can just get rid of the normal stuff...empty boxes, leftover Christmas wrap, very old raggedy clothes...the usual stuff ...not the final stuff!
I can do that...I can just live my life and get done what's usual.
One day at a time. that I can handle!

8 comments:

  1. It *does* seem that sometimes, giving away anything with a memory attached is like giving away a piece of ourselves. I'm a hoarder too, and hate de-cluttering even while I'm hating the clutter. So if you give up on your closet for now, I understand that, and we can be amazed at our crowded closets together LOL.

    Well, whatever your next projects are Peggy, good luck with them, and enjoy those days one at a time!

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  2. I am a work in progress, that's for sure. I agree that giving away something with a memory is like giving away a tiny piece of yourself!
    I will be amazed at my bulging closet with you anytime Susan..LOL

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  3. I am having the same problem with my sewing room - I started on it over Christmas break. I drug all the boxes and piles out into the basement kitchen - to be placed back into the sewing room as I got it all cleaned and organized. Now - over a month later - it just looks like my sewing room threw up in the kitchen!! I just can't get back in there to do it. Like you, I do everything else instead. What is wrong with me? I guess I am just a procrastinator.

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  4. If it's causing so much ill feelings, let it ride for the time being... there are other projects far more good for your soul right now than making your closet immaculate. ;)

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  5. Um Peggy, I am exactly the same. And getting worse. About a year ago though I did a massive spring clean and felt instantly lighter and happier after it was all gone. I have a new policy of less is more. My shopaholic ways have gone. I live far more simply than ever. Good luck!!! The upside is that while you are procrastinating you are achieving a lot more too.

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  6. You are an amazing person, and doing very well dealing with life...and one day at a time is the way to stay on the course. I was reading your post, and marveling at all that you have accomplished, and commiserating about procrastinating the cleaning of the closet, etc. When I got to the part about your motive [subconscious, or not] you caught me off guard. So I give you a lot of credit for doing what is best for you. I think you should rescue a 2 year old dog[wait for the right one]where the puppy training is already done and they are housebroken and ready to play. That's how I got Gracie[my dog], and she is such a positive influence for both m mother and me. Just a thought. Hang in there. Sending positive vibes your way!!

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  7. I actually like to organize closets. I wish I was there with you. Still, I can see that there may be an unlying cause that could be preventing you from letting go. Perhaps going to one little section at a time again might help, or have Julie help you when she come again. I'm thinking about you.

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  8. And that is why I color my hair. I don't care who knows, I am never giving up to grey hair.

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